My Today *\\19.04.2010//*

it's monday.

it should be my brand new day.

but it dont seems to be good, for me.

these days is like..

everything doesnt go smooth and well.

i keep on scold bad words in facebook?

i keep on said something negative in facebook?

i think some of my friends trying to chill me until they feel bored already.

today is my DIE finals.

i did my notes and went starbucks early and study.

but i couldn't understand of what i am reading.

and i am very stressed.

and also think of what my sister told me yesterday.

kinda sad of that she's not believing in me.

do you know that,

i dont mind of what outsiders see me,

as long as my close friends and my family believe in me.

but well,

some of my friends is not with me,

and my sister too.

it's like world end for me, seriously.

i feel like,

owh, im hopeless.

my DIE exam doesn't seems to be good.

but hopefully will pass.

i pray.

tomorrow,

mass communication exam.

actually i already have the feeling of retake.

i am still wondering should i read or shouldnt.

but i will, no worries.

this week,

is our last week, as my decision.

next week,

i will make a decision.

i hope you will understand me and you will respect me.

and besides that,

i am very sorry,

i break my promise.

i actually doesnt mean to do that,

but i dont wanna waste time anymore.

i am so sorry.

for my sister,

she dont believe me,

it's ok.

i will chill for myself.

now i get it,

actually how they see me.

it's kinda hurt of that..

my brother pick me and send me home just now.

he got a call from my mother,

i guess my mum want him to go shop for helping.

then he get angry and scold scold and close the phone.

for me,

it's normal already.

because i know he's that kind of people.

and i know that i will surely get scold.

because of dont know how to drive.

that's true,

he scolded me.

ask me faster learn my driving.

and everyone want him to graduate this year.

he said he got no time to study,

brother and sister go to play always,

how he study?

tears in my eyes again,

because i know,

because of my useless,

dont know how to drive and cause them a lot of problem.

make them tired, disturb them.

i know..

that's why i already decide to take undang on sunday.

i already in planning,

but why no one believe me?

i always tell myself,

second semester i have to drive because i know everytime i wake you all up,

i can feel the shame of myself.

i damn paiseh of you all purposely wake up and send me to school.

i know.

but why just nobody believe me?

i know i am a failure.

everything i do not well or either i cant even success.

love, relationship, family and studies.

what i did well?

NOTHING!

but i actually trying to chill myself and trying the best to improve myself.

i am trying not to give up.

but why is that so hard?

why there is no people who believing in me?

i feel like lifeless.

because of failure in everything,

and my close friend and sister is not with me.

i feel like i am not anything in this world anymore.

it's an obstacle in this world.

disturbing everyone and never brings something good.

FAILURE IN EVERYTHING!

i dont feel like caring in anything anymore.

because there is no one really, really understand me.

even my JC, never even cares.

so i dont care too.

- by kellye tan