| 23102014 | * My Unclear Future.

It's almost 2 months staying outside of Malaysia without my family, boyfriend and close friends around. Still not used to it. What I do everyday is go to the class, and go home, do my exercise, skype with my boyfriend, and recently assignment has come to me and start doing assignment in my room. Although me and my boyfriend didnt chat a lot, didnt talk a lot, we both were busy with our assignment, but we just leave our skype on. Whenever we feel tired, just peek at him.

Didnt hang out a lot in here, cause I know once I go out, I will take my wallet out and get something. Although I have nothing to get but still, I will just get ANYTHING. And things here aren't cheap you know. Dont play play!

But will hang around at the Quayside for a walk, or sometimes get drinks and drink at friend's accommodation or my accommodation, chat around. In Chinese people said: "在家靠父母，出外靠朋友" which means you rely on your parents when you're at home, whereas you rely on your friends when you're out from your house. So, yea.. We'll just help each other, cheer each other no matter how. Well, yea, I miss home :'(

My sister wish that I could go back for her wedding, and my mum, at first she told me dont have to go back but now, she asked me to go back. I really dont know how to choose. I wish to go back, because that's my sister's wedding. I dont wish to go back, because I know when I leave them, I will sadly cry again. I really cannot take it since last 2 months, I will never forget that pain, that hurt, that feeling that left my love ones. I still remember, few days before I depart, I cry every night. I can simply cry suddenly, randomly. On the day I depart, I cry most of my day. I really cant take it. That's the reason why I dont wish to go back. Maybe when I back to Malaysia, I dont wanna come back anymore. I really cant live my love ones just like that, I will be so so sad. But on the other hand, I knew my sister wish that I could go back. How? It's really difficult for me to make decision. 

I always look at my countdown app on my phone, counting the number of days left that I could go back to Malaysia and meet my family, dog, boyfriend, friends, to have steamboat every week and so on. But another thing is, when the time I got back to Malaysia, it's time to look for job. And here starts the reality world. We still see reality now, but it's just part of it. I believe that once we were out to working industry, that's what REALITY starts. Everything will be your real internship, you real assignment, maybe with a strict "lecturer" with a tight "duration" to finish up your work. So worry and I find my future still in a blur picture, I cant see my future yet. Sweat =.=0

Let's see what happen in coming half year, see what UK transform me into? Hahah, that's all for my update :D

Xoxo,

kellyetan

| 14102014 | * Unexpected.

Hi people, I have nothing much to update, because I'm doing the same thing like everyday.

My daily routine is just wake up, breakfast, class, lunch, do assignment/watch drama, dinner, sleep.

It repeats everyday, just to save up money and try not to spend money outside.

One thing is, when they have Halloween event, I try to attend because I wanna feel their culture here. Just because I'm only staying for a year here. I wanna make use of their every season, spring, winter, autumn and summer. 

I was actually plan with one of my flatmate to spend our Christmas in London,

it much be very happening. But the sad thing is, I never expect my mom never allow me to London. But its just 3 hours of train to the destination, and I have been there. So yes, I am mad, like seriously. Everyone here is going somewhere to spend their Christmas, why would I staying at home alone? I am here in the UK, if I come here just for my study, I would rather stay in Malaysia. At least, I'm not spending Christmas like a loner. At least, I'm not letting my parents worry about me. At least, I'm not left my friends, family and boyfriend behind. I would probably happier than I spend my Christmas alone here.

I really started to confuse and I dont know what my mom is thinking, I really mad and never expect that she cant allow me to London. And she asked me why am I become like that. For me, that sentence is like judging my personality. Why did she mean that? What did she mean that why am I becoming like that? I thought that would never be a matter, except for worry. I am already here, so I am more easily to go here and there to explore more. Isn't it? If worry, why am I here to let her worry me for a year? If worry, why not keep me stay in Malaysia? I am here only for study, not travel. Is that mean that I can come here once I have complete my degree and back to Malaysia and travel here again? I thought I should take the opportunity to explore it now, right timing. I thought I should be more independent in here since I am here, alone in oversea. I know that I come here for my studies, but its Christmas, and I will be having a winter break at that moment. What should I do? Like really stay in my accommodation?

I;m really mad, sad and disappoint.

I know end up I will still spend my Christmas in London. No matter who persuade her, or if she doesnt allow, I will still be there anyway. But what I sad is because of the judgement of personality. Its like telling me I've changed to a different person who makes her worry of me all the time. Did I? I already did everything fine and I really know to take care myself. 

Blogged,

kellyetan.

| R4ND0M | * Week 3 Updates.

Hey ya!

It's been a few weeks staying in Newcastle, UK.

I started to get home sick :'(

I started to miss my home, my bed, my parents, my friends and my dog.

And also,

I started my class last week.

I found that it's kinda okay, I still can handle it, I guess?

The photo above is a very nice view from my university - Northumbria University.

The weather is kinda cold, colder than London, especially when there's wind blowing towards your face, you feel so cold!

And also, the lecturers given a few assessment to us already.

Although I'm taking only 3 subjects. But the assignment is extremely crazy.

Its either 2 assignment with 40 and 60 marks, or it will be only 1 assignment for 100 marks.

Seriously, I dont know how to do it.

I started to feel stress, my English speaking and grammar is bad here.

I dont really talk, because I was kinda shy and afraid of my mistakes.

But I promise, I will be strong and be more independent here.

In my flat, sometimes we will have dinner together with flat mates. 

But sometimes, we will cook our own food.

Yeap, It depends.

.

.

.

I will be here, searching for my dreams.

I believe that I could handle all the chaos comes to me and I believe I could manage my time and all the things very well.

#

Actually, I kinda know what I want, in my future, I know what I wanna be.

But for current, I don't think I can make it.

Everyone have a dream, am I right?

Perhaps I'm not passionate enough to chase on my dream.

But I will put more effort once I back in Malaysia!

Cheers.

Goodbye, see you soon!

Love,

Kellye.

| 14092014 | * How Are You?

Hellow :3

How are you?

I am doing fine in Newcastle, UK right now.

What have I been doing?

That's later. 

First, let me thanks to few people who sent me off at the airport.

Thanks to my beloved ling ling.

Thanks to my beloved Lin Lin.

Thanks to my beloved Ming Ming.

Thanks to my beloved Dabez Sha Sha.

Thanks to my beloved Boy KJ.

Truly, thanks to all of you.

I am also thanks to people who wanted to send me off, but due to the reason that I know I couldn't handle that separating situation, I will cry a lot, and I rejected. I am sorry, but I am really feeling thankful. Thanks to friends who gave me present/gifts before I leave. Scarf that can let me bring along to UK and use it when Im cold, photo album that mean a lot to me, and words, every sentence mean a lot to me. Thank you, people.

Thank you for sending me off even though you were packed and squeeze behind the seat.

Sorry for leaving for a year and thank you for your understanding and loving me so much.

.

.

.

.

Reached London at 6th of September 2014.

I managed to explore a few places such as

BIG BEN

BUCKINGHAM PALACE

NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM

PARK

ARSENAL FOOTBALL FIELD

LONDON BRIDGE

ZOO

STARBUCKS 

.

.

And then, on the 10th of September 2014, we moved to...

LIBERTY QUAY!

which is where I am staying right now until the end of the year.

Then, I go and buy my stuffs such as the pillow, duvet, fan, kettle and many more.

BIG THANKS to leng luii - LI YING a.k.a my opposite room/flatmate/neighbor teach me this and that, go to the city with me and help me carry stuffs.

TADAA, Rashiqah, leng luii and me.

And the very fail enrolment day since its a very long queue so we did give up.

The photo below is showing how excited I am while waiting to enrol.

Besides, we were also invited to attend to a party and get to know more friends there.

And, when there is a leader dancing ZUMBA, everybody follow, me too.

This is cool.

The rest of the time, I stayed in my hostel.

Drink tea/watch drama/Clash of Clans/Chatting/Cooking/Bitching

.

.

.

And so, I'm here now, with all my flatemates.

Thank you my dearest sister.

Take care.

Loves,

Kellye.

| R4ND0M | * I Want Cuddle.

Have you ever think of leaving the one you loved?

Have you ever think of leaving the one you closed with?

Frankly, I NEVER.

People used to told me that I'm an independent individual.

No I dont agree with that, because it depends.

I might be independent when it comes to working as promoter,

I might be independent when it comes to eating alone in a restaurant.

But I'm not, when I have my family members with me, when my boyfriend with me and my close friends with me.

I am very, very rely on them.

Seriously, I could be so sick of missing my country home when I arrive UK.

I went to a Pre- Departure Briefing which held in KLCC last few days,

and I were told that spoon feeding does not works in UK.

At that moment, I am feeling so sucks.

My heart was seeking for help.

I understand I have to be independent when I'm in UK.

I understand I have to manage my time and studies well when I'm in UK.

But seriously, I am an easy stress person.

One small matter can cause me insomnia like shit.

I confirm I will be very nervous in the first few week.

I also believe that all people who are going to UK for final year were independent,

and their English grammar must be good. Besides, I also trust that some of them have friends.

Seriously, I am very worry.

I also worry for coming Wednesday that I will be going to KL for applying my VISA.

I really nervous about that which I dont know why.

Time is getting tight, I am not prepared.

I started to miss these people who turning around me all day.

I need a cuddle, really :'(

Sincerely thanks for all the farewell, iloveyou.

Blogged,

| R4ND0M | * Midnight Heartstrings.

It's almost 5am.

I am tired, but I couldn't sleep.

I hardly sleep these days.

There are a lot of things running in my mind.

Somehow, I was just simply thinking a minor thing and it could make me cry easily.

Every night before I sleep, I open my horoscope app and look through about my daily luck.

It's kinda make sense with the daily luck and some comments and guide.

If I see that I'm easily to offence someone today, on that day itself, I would much more quiet compare to other days. If I see that I'm easily to have lost of money, I will put lesser cash in my wallet.

Then, I will open my days matter app and see, how many days do I left before I leave to UK for me further education. So yes, everyday, I am counting down. And I always tell myself, these are the days I left, I must spend my time with who, who, who and who. Or else, we will have to wait for 1 year later. 

But who knows, we don't know what happen next. I told the same thing to my boyfriend, I said 1 year. Who knows I fail some subjects and it extend me to 2 years? We really can't predict much. I can't promise much. I can't say much and I can't guarantee for everything. What I can do is "NOW". What I wanna spend, spend now. There are a lot of trips I went with few of my friends. I know I'm poor, I know I left not much money, but during that 1 year, I have no chance to have nice Asian food such as Penang, Melaka. 

My mom always warned me not to eat steamboat so often. But after I go to UK, where else I have the chance to had my favorite steamboat? So, I eat it all now. 

So yea, the number of remaining days always frighten me up. It always make me hardly get sleep and thinking a lot of things. There is always something running in my mind. After I go to UK, my house left my mom, the only lady. Who could chat with her when she feels lonely? My brother? But sometimes she needs a girl's talk. Who would be with her? These days she keep saying me that, I am too into my boyfriend. But come on, I left one month. It's the last day of July. There is still a lot of things I am worry about. Why does she think I can just leave like a boss? I understand, I am the only one who leaving, she can't let go but its me only. How about me? I can't let go with a group of friends and family. I am the one who missing YOU ALL badly. I will face home sick. I will feel lonely. I feel worry. Everything I have to handle myself. How can I just leave like nothing happen? My boyfriend always visit me as I already take it as a habit, as my daily routine. I am used to it. One week we doesn't meet and it's driving me crazy. I really dare not to imagine the life in UK. How much I will be missing him? How much I will be missing my friend, my family, my dog, and my home?

The winter trip in Korea, the weather is cold. Every morning I woke up, my sister would report the weather outside, how many Celsius and so. They asked me to wear more, they lend me their glove, gave me the warmer. But in UK, I will need to find out the weather myself, I will need to bring my own glove, buy the warmer myself. I'm not saying what but it's lack of the kind of caring and love, do you understand? Even the weather is so cold, someone passed you the warmer, it's very, very warm. Seriously, I will home sick, very badly.

God bless,

| 11072014 | * 一年半载。

距离出国剩下大概2个月。

口口声声说2个月，

其实，真的是2个月吗？

2个月， 听起来还有很久，

一旦打开日历看看，其实我们都知道转眼间就到了。

这个月，男朋友都比较忙，见面的时间也少了，

也许因为着急剩下的见面时间不多，他又忙碌的关系，

我变得情绪化，我的心情起伏不定，

一瞬间很开心，一瞬间很伤心。

我觉得我自己变得很野蛮，我要人家让我；

我变得固执，我变得任性。

也许，我知道，只有你们会迁就我，让我。

因为我知道，我出国就没人让我依靠。

没人肯迁就我，我也一定要变得更坚强，更自立。

男朋友也必须等到马来人新年完了才比较得空，

担心的是，那时就是8月份了。

那时，我得空吗？

我担心、我害怕的是，

那时候我忙了。

最近和朋友一大班聚在一起的时候，

脑里都会想，

明年的这个时候，我将和谁在一起？

我将和谁吃晚餐，我将和谁走街？

当功课来的时候，我将和谁一起做功课？

考试快到的时候，我将和谁一起温习呢？

.

.

.

有几位朋友告诉我，

你和你男朋友才刚开始？而且你去一年耶！真的可以吗？我看有点难维持。

的确会担心这个问题。

我担心感情变淡，是真的。

说是说一年，如果我不及格，一年半那怎么办？

不过我觉得，我应该努力去完成我的一年吧？

因为西餐，我还好。

我应该会很想念这里的火锅，肉骨茶，亚三叻沙等等。

各位，等我回来，再带我去吃好料，好吗？
男朋友，等我回来，我会给你一个很温暖的拥抱！


Blogged,
kell.

| R4ND0M | * 我爱她轰轰烈烈最疯狂？

我回来了。

我的部落格之前因为有少许的问题，我没有继续写了。

因为人家连进入我的网页也有问题。

生活来匆匆，去匆匆，

我们看见的东西，领悟的东西，累积的经验，

也都慢慢增加。

有时候人很奇妙，

明明身边有着一堆的朋友，心里却觉得孤单。

是因为陪伴的不够多吗？还是因为你心里有着一丝丝的不舍？

我不是作者，我不会写一篇很好的文章。

我只想把我的感想，我的感觉，分享给我的读者，家人，朋友。

有时我在想，就快去英国了，为什么还拼命用华文呢？

不只部落格，就连 Twitter, Facebook Status，最近我都在用华文。

出国旅行，或者几天几夜在本地游玩，

我的心会特别脆弱，我的心情会比较不稳定，尤其是当那段快乐时间快要结束的时候...

新年去韩国，快要回来的时候... 因为即将面对回工作的东西，我不舍得。

和朋友去槟城的时候，因为一点小事，我哭了。

因为想要被呵护，因为想要把心里的不平衡发泄出来，因为一些科学上解释不到的事情？

前几天还因为男朋友要出去开会我就大哭一场，

我还边哭边告诉他，我想要人家陪我。

因为姐姐搬出去了，平时当我男朋友不得空的时候，我会回家约姐姐去吃晚餐，有什么开心不开心的，搞笑的，废的，我都会和她分享。

可是现在我们能够聊的都是通过whatsapp，可以聊的东西也很有限。

如果我说我写到这里，我哭了。你相信吗？

可能我没有想过我会和姐姐有分开的一天。

也许吧？我们太相爱了。

我们太过疼爱对方了。

是因为你，我觉得孤单吗？

也许是吧。

没办法啊，我了解啊，这是人生的一个过程嘛。

又分有离。

从小的好朋友也会因为长大工作，然后有自己的家庭，自己的生活，然后少见面了。

家人也一样，小时候一起玩，手牵手一起睡觉，再让我姐姐发恶梦结果不敢再牵我手睡觉，小时候她吃着糖果，我也要吃，她就好像接吻这样用嘴巴传糖果给我。

很多很多小时候的东西，很多很多疯狂的回忆，很多..很多...

还有很多东西，我都不用去理，都是她为我解决，我连烦都不用烦。

我太依赖你了，可是现在要我突然独立起来，我怎么能够独立？

我现在已经开始很不习惯了，怎么办？

我很想回到以前，时间停留在那个时候，好吗？

我要回我的姐姐，可以吗？

我不想长大，可以吗？

当然，我很开心因为她找到在她生命里重要的那一个，

我会祝福他们，希望他们快快乐乐。

♥ kellyetan

| R4ND0M | * 梦想？

嗨！

我的部落格死了吗？

就快了，所以现在我正为它急救着。

年纪大了，生活太忙碌了。

有好几次都很想写，但就是离不开“懒”这个坏习惯。

其实我这个学期是真的超得空的。

一个星期 7 天，我只上 3 天课...

有时做下散工，赚赚外快。

很多人在这个年纪已为自己的未来做好打算，

他们为自己的未来而奋斗努力，

开始辛苦，为了得到更好的以后。

我常在想，那我呢？

我的梦想到底是什么？

我的毅力都去了哪里？

是我母亲生我下来的时候少了的一样东西吗？

为什么我没有？

就连我以后想成为一个什么样的人，做着一个什么样的工作，

我毫无头绪。

我甚至想，我读的科目到底对吗？

我还应该继续出国深造吗？

怎么办，我看不见我的未来。