It's almost 5am.
I am tired, but I couldn't sleep.
I hardly sleep these days.
There are a lot of things running in my mind.
Somehow, I was just simply thinking a minor thing and it could make me cry easily.
Every night before I sleep, I open my horoscope app and look through about my daily luck.
It's kinda make sense with the daily luck and some comments and guide.
If I see that I'm easily to offence someone today, on that day itself, I would much more quiet compare to other days. If I see that I'm easily to have lost of money, I will put lesser cash in my wallet.
Then, I will open my days matter app and see, how many days do I left before I leave to UK for me further education. So yes, everyday, I am counting down. And I always tell myself, these are the days I left, I must spend my time with who, who, who and who. Or else, we will have to wait for 1 year later.
But who knows, we don't know what happen next. I told the same thing to my boyfriend, I said 1 year. Who knows I fail some subjects and it extend me to 2 years? We really can't predict much. I can't promise much. I can't say much and I can't guarantee for everything. What I can do is "NOW". What I wanna spend, spend now. There are a lot of trips I went with few of my friends. I know I'm poor, I know I left not much money, but during that 1 year, I have no chance to have nice Asian food such as Penang, Melaka.
My mom always warned me not to eat steamboat so often. But after I go to UK, where else I have the chance to had my favorite steamboat? So, I eat it all now.
So yea, the number of remaining days always frighten me up. It always make me hardly get sleep and thinking a lot of things. There is always something running in my mind. After I go to UK, my house left my mom, the only lady. Who could chat with her when she feels lonely? My brother? But sometimes she needs a girl's talk. Who would be with her? These days she keep saying me that, I am too into my boyfriend. But come on, I left one month. It's the last day of July. There is still a lot of things I am worry about. Why does she think I can just leave like a boss? I understand, I am the only one who leaving, she can't let go but its me only. How about me? I can't let go with a group of friends and family. I am the one who missing YOU ALL badly. I will face home sick. I will feel lonely. I feel worry. Everything I have to handle myself. How can I just leave like nothing happen? My boyfriend always visit me as I already take it as a habit, as my daily routine. I am used to it. One week we doesn't meet and it's driving me crazy. I really dare not to imagine the life in UK. How much I will be missing him? How much I will be missing my friend, my family, my dog, and my home?
The winter trip in Korea, the weather is cold. Every morning I woke up, my sister would report the weather outside, how many Celsius and so. They asked me to wear more, they lend me their glove, gave me the warmer. But in UK, I will need to find out the weather myself, I will need to bring my own glove, buy the warmer myself. I'm not saying what but it's lack of the kind of caring and love, do you understand? Even the weather is so cold, someone passed you the warmer, it's very, very warm. Seriously, I will home sick, very badly.
God bless,
