Wednesday, July 30, 2014

| R4ND0M | * Midnight Heartstrings.

It's almost 5am.
I am tired, but I couldn't sleep.
I hardly sleep these days.
There are a lot of things running in my mind.
Somehow, I was just simply thinking a minor thing and it could make me cry easily.

Every night before I sleep, I open my horoscope app and look through about my daily luck.
It's kinda make sense with the daily luck and some comments and guide.
If I see that I'm easily to offence someone today, on that day itself, I would much more quiet compare to other days. If I see that I'm easily to have lost of money, I will put lesser cash in my wallet.

Then, I will open my days matter app and see, how many days do I left before I leave to UK for me further education. So yes, everyday, I am counting down. And I always tell myself, these are the days I left, I must spend my time with who, who, who and who. Or else, we will have to wait for 1 year later. 
But who knows, we don't know what happen next. I told the same thing to my boyfriend, I said 1 year. Who knows I fail some subjects and it extend me to 2 years? We really can't predict much. I can't promise much. I can't say much and I can't guarantee for everything. What I can do is "NOW". What I wanna spend, spend now. There are a lot of trips I went with few of my friends. I know I'm poor, I know I left not much money, but during that 1 year, I have no chance to have nice Asian food such as Penang, Melaka. 

My mom always warned me not to eat steamboat so often. But after I go to UK, where else I have the chance to had my favorite steamboat? So, I eat it all now. 

So yea, the number of remaining days always frighten me up. It always make me hardly get sleep and thinking a lot of things. There is always something running in my mind. After I go to UK, my house left my mom, the only lady. Who could chat with her when she feels lonely? My brother? But sometimes she needs a girl's talk. Who would be with her? These days she keep saying me that, I am too into my boyfriend. But come on, I left one month. It's the last day of July. There is still a lot of things I am worry about. Why does she think I can just leave like a boss? I understand, I am the only one who leaving, she can't let go but its me only. How about me? I can't let go with a group of friends and family. I am the one who missing YOU ALL badly. I will face home sick. I will feel lonely. I feel worry. Everything I have to handle myself. How can I just leave like nothing happen? My boyfriend always visit me as I already take it as a habit, as my daily routine. I am used to it. One week we doesn't meet and it's driving me crazy. I really dare not to imagine the life in UK. How much I will be missing him? How much I will be missing my friend, my family, my dog, and my home?

The winter trip in Korea, the weather is cold. Every morning I woke up, my sister would report the weather outside, how many Celsius and so. They asked me to wear more, they lend me their glove, gave me the warmer. But in UK, I will need to find out the weather myself, I will need to bring my own glove, buy the warmer myself. I'm not saying what but it's lack of the kind of caring and love, do you understand? Even the weather is so cold, someone passed you the warmer, it's very, very warm. Seriously, I will home sick, very badly.


God bless,



Friday, July 11, 2014

| 11072014 | * 一年半载。

距离出国剩下大概2个月。
口口声声说2个月,
其实,真的是2个月吗?

2个月, 听起来还有很久,
一旦打开日历看看,其实我们都知道转眼间就到了。

这个月,男朋友都比较忙,见面的时间也少了,
也许因为着急剩下的见面时间不多,他又忙碌的关系,

我变得情绪化,我的心情起伏不定,
一瞬间很开心,一瞬间很伤心。
我觉得我自己变得很野蛮,我要人家让我;
我变得固执,我变得任性。
也许,我知道,只有你们会迁就我,让我。
因为我知道,我出国就没人让我依靠。
没人肯迁就我,我也一定要变得更坚强,更自立。

男朋友也必须等到马来人新年完了才比较得空,
担心的是,那时就是8月份了。
那时,我得空吗?
我担心、我害怕的是,
那时候我忙了。

最近和朋友一大班聚在一起的时候,
脑里都会想,
明年的这个时候,我将和谁在一起?
我将和谁吃晚餐,我将和谁走街?
当功课来的时候,我将和谁一起做功课?
考试快到的时候,我将和谁一起温习呢?

.
.
.

有几位朋友告诉我,
你和你男朋友才刚开始?而且你去一年耶!真的可以吗?我看有点难维持。
的确会担心这个问题。
我担心感情变淡,是真的。
说是说一年,如果我不及格,一年半那怎么办?
不过我觉得,我应该努力去完成我的一年吧?
因为西餐,我还好。
我应该会很想念这里的火锅,肉骨茶,亚三叻沙等等。

各位,等我回来,再带我去吃好料,好吗?
男朋友,等我回来,我会给你一个很温暖的拥抱!


Blogged,
kell.